2

The Power of Words: Bullying, Insults and Bad-mouthing

Bullying or any form of bad-mouthing has a greater effect to one’s self-esteem. It deteriorates a person’s confidence and interaction with other individuals. Words coming out from your mouth are powerful and destructive, if you used it in a wrong or incorrect way. It is true that words are sharper than swords.

Sometimes people thought that when they drop a joke, regarding the physical appearance of a person, is humorous. The audience and the doer could actually perceive it as a normal or regular joke, but have you ever thought of the subject’s feelings? The victim of the given joke might be smiling or laughing outside, however he or she might be offended inside. Most victims have the tendency to hide their true feelings when people treat them as the laughing stock of the bunch, primarily because of they don’t want to be tagged as party poopers or joy killers. They want people to say that they can be as cool as others too.

People who are victims of bullying or bad mouthing does not only lower their morale and self-esteem but sometimes, they tend to practice what they have experience to other people as well. It is like a revenge of the “punk’ds.” They want other people feel like when you are the topic of a comical get together. Instead of just saying out loud that you were offended, you want others to encounter it. You want them to be the victim and see how humiliated they can be.

Bullying, insults and bad mouthing are all the same; they are verbally given to mock, intimidate or dominate other people. These can be described in different contexts such as:

  • Cyber bullying. This type of bullying is by far the most common nowadays as it is done over the use of the World Wide Web. Due to limited parental control, cyber bullying is often undetected as many internet users uses pseudonyms or face accounts to mock or insult certain individuals. Netizens or online bashers post hateful messages or comments to humiliate other people.
  • Handicapped bullying. Even if different countries have set some laws to protect the rights of disabled or handicapped individuals, some people still perform such mockery. Some establishments or companies also practice handicapped bullying. For example, restaurants those prohibit mentally disabilities from dining in or companies that do not let these disabled citizens to apply for a job vacancy.
  • Third Sex bullying. Though most people are open-minded due to modernization and diversity in culture, they still stick with their tradition. Most of them do not mind having gays, lesbians or bisexuals walking in the same park but they do not want LGBT communities have the same equal rights they have.
  • Parental bullying. Some parents have the tendency to humiliate or throw hateful words to their children as a result of their anger or disappointment. But you have to remember that you do not own your children; they are also humans and have their own preferences in life. You, as a parent, can only guide and teach them but do not have the right to dominate their lives.
  • Academe bullying. Due to different clicks and segregation of the cool groups from the nerdy groups, bullying can also start from school. Normally, this takes place during extracurricular activities or breaks. There are also cases where teachers bully their students in front of the class.
  • Work setting bullying. This takes place in a working environment between a supervisor and a subordinate or from both subordinates.

There is a huge list of different types of bullying, but we have just named a few. The bottom line is, regardless of whom, where and when you drop a bomb; as long as you insulted or humiliated a person and you do this habitually it is already considered bullying.

The Upshot of Bullying

We all of heard of a common bullying experience, from the entire situation where one was bullied, it affected one’s life as he or she grows older; there are pent up emotions and hatred formation. If bullying happened once, it is already considered abusive, but if it is done on several occasions it may result in a very serious problem.

If you happened to be in a comedy bar once, you know that most stand-up comedians use mockery or insult as part of their jokes. You, as an audience, might laughed about it especially if these jokes are well delivered. In addition to this, most jokes are half meant; it is an alternative way to deliver one’s thought instead of using a formal, serious approach.

But because of these things, there are several short and long term effects of bullying. Here are some:

Short term Upshots of Bullying

  • Annoyance or rage
  • Melancholy or misery
  • Health related problems such us vomiting and nausea
  • Low performance in work or school
  • Suicidal notion

Long term Upshots of Bullying

  • Limited opportunities in life
  • A deeper yearning for revenge
  • Trust issues
  • Several fear formation, fear of rejection included
  • Propensity to become an anti-social or loner
  • Hypersensitive
  • Severe health related problems such as panic disorder or bipolar personality

How to fight bullying?

In any path you take, you will never get away with bullying. You can be a victim in one or two occasions and be the doer at some cases as well. But all these boil down to one common denominator – You. Yes, you read it right. It will start and end within yourself. It does not matter if you have experienced it from the past; the important thing you need to bear in mind is today matters. You have to get rid of the word revenge. You have to learn that you do not have the control to other people’s action but you could always influence them to do well.

This is an excerpt from an electronic book that I have written years ago. Yes, beautiful people I was once a ghost writer. I hope I opened your thinking caps that bullying or any form of bad mouthing is a serious issue we are facing nowadays. Do you have a story of your own about bullying? Were you the victim or the doer? What did you do at the end? Comment and share you personal experience. Thanks for reading! ❤

 

 

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4

The Day When You Stopped Giving 2 Flying F’s to People

If you are keeping up with my posts, the latest article I’ve posted (hopefully) gave you an idea that I have lost a very dear childhood friend. He was there when I needed someone to lean on; he was my partner in crime. I could still remember the long late night drives, stealing candy bars at my mom’s, phone call pranks…and that warm hug when I’m sad. It shattered me to pieces and to top it off, I have been dealing few issues. It’s true what they usually say, “When it rains, it pours.” Yes, problems have been pouring left and right.

With all the advises and how to’s I’m sharing, I honestly can say, I’m lost; I don’t know where or how to start picking up the pieces. I guess, this is one of those days where you are on the verge of giving up. Then, few people you care, instead of understanding you, they add up to what you’re going through. Like, dude, could you please be considerate? I mean, stop the BS for once. BUT NOOOO… they will keep on pushing and pushing it till you reach the point that you don’t give a flying f*** and an apple pie. Yes, I’m on that phase and I do hope, I’ll get through it. I know I’m strong, but how? when? where? and why? The endless questions you ask yourself…

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The reason why I haven’t blogged in a while…

Losing someone close to your heart is unexplainable; how would you feel once you hear the news that someone passed away. You may feel anger, sadness or even depression but these words cannot explain what you truly feel; it is definitely beyond that. Getting over such grief is not easy; it is a process of denial, acceptance and moving on with your life and everybody knows that all these cannot be done in a day or a week. Sometimes it may take almost a year before you could totally say that you are in a stable state.

There are relapses through the process; there are times you might feel better and there are also times where you find yourself crying. There are no shortcuts; you have to go through the process, however there are certain ways which can help ease the pain. It may not totally remove you from sadness or misery but it will surely help you cope up with the loss.

The focal point of this post is to convince you that grieving alone is not going to help; do not isolate yourself because having someone to grieve with you is far better than self-seclusion.

Grieve With Your Family

Regardless of the relationship you have with the deceased, you have to grieve with your family. Family is the foundation of any individual and keeping yourself close to them especially in times like this will help you get by. Your family members are the individuals who know you better than anyone else in your network. There are some instances that even when you don’t talk they already know you are going through pain.

Grieving with your family will let you be yourself; no pretensions, no cover ups, just you. Tell them how you feel and you need them to help you pass this phase. You don’t have to tell all the members of the family as you have the option to choose few members whom you think will lend their ears when you talk.

Grieve With Friends

Not everybody is close to their families and we are not going to tackle that area because each individual has different reasons as to why. If you are in the same situation where you feel more comfortable with your friends rather than with your family, that is absolutely fine. You could talk to your best friend or 2-3 of them and seek for guidance.

You could ask them to come with you to a place where you can relieve your mind for a while. Your friends are people next to your family and sometimes you consider them your family; and with this, you’ll feel more secure.

Grieve With a Community Group

They say that to cope of with this kind of situation, it is better to talk with people who have the same experience like you. You feel more emotionally attached with this group as you know have a common ground; you comfort each other and help each other. Hearing their stories will help you in an inspiring and a positive way, thus it prevents you from entering the world of depression.

There are no rules as to whom you should share your grievances but keep in mind that pent-up anger and sadness will only make the situation worse so you have to find an outlet to release those emotions.

Rest in peace, Ricky Icky. You will always be missed.

2

Are You Ready To Commit?

byob.pngEvery individual’s lifelong dream is to be their own boss; and when the opportunity comes, our initial reaction is to grab it even without thinking of the consequences later on. There are some who experience being in a company for more than a decade and would like to quit their job and start a business with the hard-earned money they have saved up for. While others are living in a paycheck to paycheck basis but are willing to apply for a bank loan to change their route towards the entrepreneurship community. We can come up with several reasons why we would like to start a business of our own but the main question here is if we are ready to commit to a very much dynamic world than we are used to. We have this common notion that as long as we put our 100% effort, everything will work out fine. In some ways it is correct, but snap back to reality and think it over for a couple of times. Joining the business venture is not a no-brainer. It does not only involve your effort but it also involves several factors that will exhaust your intellectual, emotional and social abilities.

It is not just an ordinary decision that we make every day because if the time will come your business is not working; you can’t just give up and go back to your past endeavors. This decision, my friend will reflect on how you take things seriously as it will affect your entirety.

Being committed into something you would love to do is a satisfying feeling, but that does not mean you are not scared of what will happen in the near future; you have concerns and a certain fear of uncertainty. But who doesn’t? To help you have a clearer and bigger picture of what you are trying to put yourself into, here are two important points you need to ponder:

No more pointing fingers this time

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I’m assuming that most of us have work experiences and one common scenario is when a given task was not approved, we didn’t take the blame; we pointed it out to other people. Oh for goodness gracious, do not reason out that you haven’t done it. Everybody has a fair share of trying to get away from a mistake; it may not be at your work place but it did happen.

This time eradicate that attitude because in venturing into business or being self-employed, no one is to blame but you. You made the decision, deal with it. Having a good sense of accountability will take you to success. It will definitely deliver constructive results and will be of help in forming positive habits.

Think Out of the Box

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Earlier I did mention the fear of uncertainty and this is one of the major factors why most businesses fail in their first two years and there are some which already failed before starting it. Why? Because it is in our nature to be afraid to go out our comfort zone. We fear things we do not know, things which shut off our creativity and block what we are truly capable of. Do not restrict your mind in experimenting on things; that is what business all about. Look at how Steve Jobs expanded his company. Who could have thought of putting the functions of an mp3 player, a laptop and a phone in one?

I know you still have doubts and you’re a bit dazed, but this is just the beginning. In the next blogs (soon), you’ll be given that “needed push” to come up with a stronger and bolder decision later on. So, click on that Follow button to receive notifications from me. Thanks! 🙂 ❤

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Choose The People In Your Life

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The people in your life can be divided into three groups in general. The first group would be the people who you really love and you definitely need in your life. The second group would consist of random friends who you’re not really close to, acquaintances, people who you do not benefit from. The third group would then consist of people you do not like, people who drag you down, people who make your life more complicated than it should be. In this blog, I will help you sort them out and yes, this is based from my personal journey in life.

Know the people in your life. This is something simple enough to do. Check your address book, your contacts on your mobile phone, your friends on Facebook or any other social networking applications, the people you work with, the people you email, basically everyone you interact with on a regular basis.

Form the first group. This one will be pretty basic; of course you include your immediate family and your closest friends in this group. They will provide stability and balance in your life whenever you need guidance and whenever you are feeling stressed or pressured. You can also include in this group, assets. People who can help you move towards your goals. These people are also important because they make your life simpler in the sense that it is easier to do the things you want to do because of them.

Form the second group. Now the people in the second group might be a bit harder to distinguish because they don’t really harm you in any way but you don’t really see any benefit that you can get from them as of the moment. So why cut them out of your life? Well because dealing with fewer people is equal to having a more simple life. Without these people you don’t get invites to events that you don’t really want to go to, you don’t get asked for favors from people you barely know, you don’t have to send greeting cards or gifts to them on certain occasions. It’s just simpler that way.

Form the third group. This group will be a lot easier to distinguish than the second group. First of all choose the people who you do not like. Why should you forget about them? Simple, because they make your life more complicated, they give you more problems and thus more stress. You don’t want that. Same goes for the people who drag you down.

An example of this could be free loaders of leeches. They’re parasites and having them in your life gives you no benefit whatsoever. Imagine someone who keeps on borrowing money from you but never really pays you back on time. It gives you one more problem to think about because it messes up the steps that you have previously taken. (E.g. budgeting)

Don’t take this blog too literally. Just because I told you to cut out groups two and three from your life doesn’t mean that you avoid them completely even when they’re the ones who approach you. Doing that will get you a lot of enemies and that is not something you want if you’re aiming for simplicity in your life. What this blog is telling you to do is to avoid the distractions and the clutter.

Don’t go looking for them and when they come to you deal with it as quickly as possible then go back to your own life. Unless of course you’re looking to completely isolate yourself from the world then I guess you could take this blog literally.

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Uniqueness as a Strength Not as a Weakness!

These days some people mix uniqueness with ugliness and weirdness and this is false. First of all, my site DOES NOT promote or believe in ugliness as negativity is not allowed in here. Secondly, it modifies the meaning or definition of weirdness. And lastly, uniqueness is something that we should not hide but rather be proud of it and consider it as a personal strength.

Uniqueness of a person’s aesthetic value

There are cases where you get shy or embarrass with your physical assets as they may look unusual to other people. For example, having too much freckles on your cheeks or broader shoulders than regular women, since some people tend to look on those parts first before looking directly in your eyes, you have the propensity to be shy and other times, you find ways to hide them.

The sole reason why you hide those unique body features is you do not want to be tease by other people; it drains your confidence. And sometimes, if you hear hateful comments about it, you throw hateful words too. That is not the proper way to react. Instead, cover your ears and do not think of it too much. Imagine you are sitting in the corner and stressing out yourself with non sense, that will definitely burns you out. You might want to divert those negativities into something else, like go to the mall, watch a movie or what not. Those comments or critics you heard will not help you achieve what you want in life. So do not let them pull you down.

Also, I would like to stress another arising problem for most women – their body shape. Below is a summary of one of the many problems I personally have, my endless weight battle.

fat.pngThe word fat, as defined by science, is a group of compounds generally soluble in organic solvents and mostly insoluble in water. On the other hand, adding a noun after it sounds sharp, at some cases, judicious, like fat woman, fat people, fat kid, or even fat Aiza. Yes, I have had experiences since then. I felt resentful towards people to the point where I blurted out things I shouldn’t have; it brought back my confidence that yeah, I am fat but good mother gracious if I am, then why some people are you exceptionally fugly? For some reason, I found it satisfying to have uttered nasty words to them, seeing them look down. Days, months, years have passed; I came to realize how unhappy I was. I asked myself, will it change the fact I am fat by telling a person that his or her birth certificate is an apology to a condom factory? It doesn’t. I took the liberty of doing a famous scene from “The Bridges of Madison County” to assess myself (it wasn’t a conventional standard of beauty but the hell with it). I stared at myself for an hour saying “I’m beautiful” while my brain answers back “Who the eff are you kidding?” End Result: not working. So I thought of ideas on how to gain my confidence sans mocking-nincompoops-for-self-upliftment.

  • Make a List. Apparently, “I’m beautiful” while standing for an hour in front of the mirror didn’t work. I searched for a quote that my system specifically my brain will accept without a doubt. So I went to get advice from Mr. Google, beauty quotes typed in the search field and pulled up the first 10 sites. I was browsing thru them but I gagged most of the time. First few ones are too cheesy; the others are figment of imagination and the rest, too crappy. I got a pen and paper and started listing traits and attributes. I like about myself. Sense of humor, curly hair, moles in my face, eyes, hands, photographic memory, keen-observer, legs (most friends said I have thin legs for a Dumbo like me, so I included it).Slowly, more traits/attributes were noted. I felt contented; I was happy seeing it, I was not bad at all. From then, I perceived beauty provides mental experience of contentment.
  • Dress to Impress. One thing thick people hate most is dressing. Most of them hate dressing elegantly as they are stuck with an impression people will pass judgment on how they look. That’s not the case now. There are a lot of stores and online shops which cater to plus-sized individuals. Who said curvy women cannot wear dresses, skirts, trousers and NOT look good? With vast fashion trends, ways of hiding those flabby arms and layered tummies are easy. The more these plump ladies stick to plain and tedious dressing makes them stand out in a crowd, in a bad way.
  • Say NO to Assumption. It is a guilty pleasure of assuming others think you’re unattractive. Getting rid of assumption is difficult, like for instance, in a department store, you’re shy to ask if there is bigger size of a pair of pants on sale. Thinking the sales lady might insult you at the back of her head. Assumption leads to awkwardness which results to limitations. To get rid of assumption is to find witty or comical ways to deal with your own physique.

In my several encounters with people who are amused seeing fat people like me (like I’m the first fat lady they have seen), they usually ask, “Are you fat even before?” I reply, “Yes, my doctor said I have this allergy that every time I eat in breaks into fat.”

There is no need to worry about people who can’t get over on how plump ladies run their FAT lives. Love your flabs and more importantly, love yourself. Long live to you, FAT! –Fabulous and Thick.

As a last and final case point, you have to embrace your flaws or uniqueness because these things will make you stronger and bolder. Because how can other people accept you, if you, yourself cannot accept and love what and who you are?

 

 

0

Yay Stress or Nay Stress: What is the difference?

People basically use the term “stress” whenever they feel pressured about something or if the situation is too much to handle. This is not an exception to you as well. I bet that you feel “stress” everyday. It may be stress from your own home, your work or your environment in general. Stress is anything that creates a threat or a challenge to your well-being.

Some of the stresses in life are good because these get you going. Everyone says that good stresses add spice and excitement to your life. However, there are stresses that are bad as well. Any type of stress becomes bad for you when it damages your physical, mental, and social health.

Many people, including you (I guess), have a bit of confusion between a “stressor” and stress. You see, stress, as what most textbooks and online articles defined, is a “feeling” you acquire when these two factors are present – anxiety and tension. On the other hand, a “stressor” acts as a stimulus or an agent, which causes stress.  Stressors includes but not limited to, noises, first encounters, repulsive individuals or a speeding vehicle. Therefore, stressor is anything you react to in your environment.

As what was stated above, stress is an outcome of two factors, which are the following:

  • It is usually caused by events that are threatening to your social, mental, and physical welfare.
  • Tension, on the other hand, is your body’s innate response to anxiety. It is a fraction of a primal survival impulse where physical changes prepare you for a particular response called “fight or flight.”

Fight or Flight Response

Your way of responding or reacting to a challenging life event is also a form of stress. A component of your reaction to an event is physiological and affects you physically. In any case, you encounter a challenge; your body stimulates resources that will protect you. You either fight or flight. For example, you are at the fourth floor of a building and an earthquake begins, your body will then release some components to give you an extra strength to run faster in order to live.

This type of response is your sympathetic nervous system responding to a taxing incident. Your body produces certain chemicals such as adrenaline, cortisol, and noradrenaline. These trigger sweating, alertness, increase in heart rate, and heightened muscles awareness – such factors help you to protect yourself from a dangerous incident.

When fight or flight response is turned on, your supplementary functions of your body, such as immune and digestive systems decelerate. Therefore, all your body’s resources are mainly concentrated on blood circulation, muscle use, alertness, and rapid breathing.

Now that you have a clearer understanding of stress and the two contributing factors of it, you have to be aware of the several effects of stress in your life. Even if your body is designed to react and experience stress, when stress becomes harmful, it will deteriorate your entire body and can cause serious medical problems. Stress that persists without any type of relief could lead to a certain state called “distress.” It is defined as a negative type of stress response. It could pave the way to physiological symptoms such as upset stomach, chest pains, headaches, high blood pressure, and sleep problems.

Bad or unrelieved stress could also lead you to abuse illegal narcotics, alcohol, or tobacco. Sure, some people might find these unhealthy reliefs relaxing but it is only shortly. In the long-term, these will just cause more problems, to the extent of suffering mental or psychological issues.

Below are additional effects (but not limited to) that are divided into three categories:

Physiological or Physical Effects

  • Decrease in your energy level
  • Upset stomach includes nausea, diarrhea, and constipation
  • Increase in heart rate, frequent heart palpitations
  • Frequent infections or colds
  • Pains, tensions, and aches in muscles
  • Loss of sexual drive or urges
  • Excessive perspiration, cold feet and/or hands
  • Gritted jaw or grinding of the teeth
  • Mouth dryness, to the extent of having difficulty in swallowing
  • Frequent shaking of your hands, nervousness
  • Ringing sound in your ears
  • Problems with women’s menstruation
  • Premature ejaculation and impotence in men
  • Irregular heart rhythms or Cardiovascualr problems
  • Skin diseases such as eczema, acne, and psoriasis or hair loss
  • Gastrointestinal diseases such as irritable colon, GERD, ulcer, and gastritis
  • Obesity

Emotional or Behavioral Effects

  • Eating problems such as binge eating disorder, anorexia nervosa, and bulimia nervosa
  • Forgetfulness, continuous worrying, inability/lack of focus or disorganization
  • Poor or low judgment
  • You become a pessimistic individual or most of the times you only see the negative side of all things
  • Racing thoughts, aggressive behavior or excessive suspiciousness
  • Making up excuses and it becomes a habit
  • Communication problems or frequent tardiness
  • Frequent mood swings
  • Hostility, anger, irritability, and hostility
  • Isolation and withdrawal of oneself in the society
  • Being impulsive that is normally expressed in gambling, buying, and sexual activities
  • Low level of self-esteem or self-worth
  • The feeling of being overwhelmed
  • Feeling of nervousness that is normally expressed in pacing, nail-biting, excessive tapping of your feet, and fidgeting

Mental or Psychological Effects

  • Depression
  • Bipolar Disorder or also called as Manic Depression. It is usually involves energy level, dramatic mood shifts, and changes of the mania level
  • Suicidal attempts or thoughts
  • Memory problems such as short-term memory loss, amnesia, and memory lapses
  • Development of unreasonable or absurd fears or phobia
  • Obsessive-compulsive Disorder
  • Multiple Personality Disorder
  • It is a psychological disorder that creates excessive complaints and fears of diseases in your body
  • Comprehensive Anxiety Disorders
  • It is one of the most severe mental problems that you could suffer if stress is already long-term.

To sum it all up, stress becomes good if it motivates you to work harder and pursue life. However, if it is already affecting your day-to-day life and signs are already showing, you have to take a moment to learn how to properly cope up or manage stresses that you are going through. What easily stresses you out? Drop a comment and share a Pinay Time with me. 🙂 ❤

5

SHORT BLOG: Don’t procrastinate – get things done!

Procrastinate is defined as delaying or postponing something. Most of the time, people I know procrastinate their task. Some experts say that it is a “delaying tactic or strategy of individuals.” They delay their task to avoid getting another task from their superiors or whatnot.

People also procrastinate to avoid risk. Psychologists say that our brain likes it when we do not take risks as it doesn’t make us defenseless and out in the open. Believe it or not, other slack off because they fear success. Success means change, something different from the usual – a person’s growth. When a person is growing, responsibilities add up and obstacles are more complicated.

If you ask people, procrastination is better because it feels good and it is a lot fun. But it is just a temporary and immediate relief. Why not set yourself for a long-term happiness? So instead of procrastinating, get up and get started! How? By following these simple tips:

Create a Dreamboard

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Think of the things you’re dreaming of. It doesn’t matter if it’s a house, a car, a partner – Your choice. Usually, I suggest making a list but it’s too dull to motivate you and act now. Isn’t it nice to picture your dreams in a colorful and presentable way? So, after thinking of your dreams, gather some old magazines, print outs, pictures, pens, glue sticks and a board.

Represent each dream with a picture and start designing your “dreamboard.” Once you’re finished, hang it on your bedroom wall. Make sure to hang it where you can easily see it every day.

This is a technique to get you motivated.

Pamper Yourself

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Since you are self-medicating from procrastination, it’s not bad to pamper and reward yourself every time you achieve something. Gather the things that need to be done, the moment you finish one task or goal, check it and reward yourself for doing a great job. Rewards can be big or small, depends on how important the task is and of course, your budget.

Put Gossip into Good Use

procrastinate2.pngWe just stated earlier that we tend to procrastinate because we avoid risks. So why don’t you make one? Think of the people you respect and love the most. Tell each one of them the details of your project – why you’re doing it, how important this is to you and so on. Took the risk? Checked! Now if you fail, every individual involved will know. The point here is, you need to put that fear of risking to good use.

Embrace the Most Permanent Thing in the World

procrastinate3.pngWhen you experience a heart break, most of your friends will tell you that in order for you to move one; you need to embrace the pain. Same goes with procrastination. You need to embrace what causes you to drag your feet – Change. Ask yourself this, “Why do you fear success if you didn’t even try?” You have to understand that success cannot be measured. You’ll just have to know how to deal with it once you get there.

Procrastination could lead to a more serious problem, so write down all the tips given and start doing it, RIGHT NOW. Do you have any tips you’d like to share? Drop a comment and lets share them with each other. I’m not getting tired of thanking y’all, Lovelies. Thanks for sharing Pinay Time with me. 🙂 ❤