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The Day When You Stopped Giving 2 Flying F’s to People

If you are keeping up with my posts, the latest article I’ve posted (hopefully) gave you an idea that I have lost a very dear childhood friend. He was there when I needed someone to lean on; he was my partner in crime. I could still remember the long late night drives, stealing candy bars at my mom’s, phone call pranks…and that warm hug when I’m sad. It shattered me to pieces and to top it off, I have been dealing few issues. It’s true what they usually say, “When it rains, it pours.” Yes, problems have been pouring left and right.

With all the advises and how to’s I’m sharing, I honestly can say, I’m lost; I don’t know where or how to start picking up the pieces. I guess, this is one of those days where you are on the verge of giving up. Then, few people you care, instead of understanding you, they add up to what you’re going through. Like, dude, could you please be considerate? I mean, stop the BS for once. BUT NOOOO… they will keep on pushing and pushing it till you reach the point that you don’t give a flying f*** and an apple pie. Yes, I’m on that phase and I do hope, I’ll get through it. I know I’m strong, but how? when? where? and why? The endless questions you ask yourself…

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The reason why I haven’t blogged in a while…

Losing someone close to your heart is unexplainable; how would you feel once you hear the news that someone passed away. You may feel anger, sadness or even depression but these words cannot explain what you truly feel; it is definitely beyond that. Getting over such grief is not easy; it is a process of denial, acceptance and moving on with your life and everybody knows that all these cannot be done in a day or a week. Sometimes it may take almost a year before you could totally say that you are in a stable state.

There are relapses through the process; there are times you might feel better and there are also times where you find yourself crying. There are no shortcuts; you have to go through the process, however there are certain ways which can help ease the pain. It may not totally remove you from sadness or misery but it will surely help you cope up with the loss.

The focal point of this post is to convince you that grieving alone is not going to help; do not isolate yourself because having someone to grieve with you is far better than self-seclusion.

Grieve With Your Family

Regardless of the relationship you have with the deceased, you have to grieve with your family. Family is the foundation of any individual and keeping yourself close to them especially in times like this will help you get by. Your family members are the individuals who know you better than anyone else in your network. There are some instances that even when you don’t talk they already know you are going through pain.

Grieving with your family will let you be yourself; no pretensions, no cover ups, just you. Tell them how you feel and you need them to help you pass this phase. You don’t have to tell all the members of the family as you have the option to choose few members whom you think will lend their ears when you talk.

Grieve With Friends

Not everybody is close to their families and we are not going to tackle that area because each individual has different reasons as to why. If you are in the same situation where you feel more comfortable with your friends rather than with your family, that is absolutely fine. You could talk to your best friend or 2-3 of them and seek for guidance.

You could ask them to come with you to a place where you can relieve your mind for a while. Your friends are people next to your family and sometimes you consider them your family; and with this, you’ll feel more secure.

Grieve With a Community Group

They say that to cope of with this kind of situation, it is better to talk with people who have the same experience like you. You feel more emotionally attached with this group as you know have a common ground; you comfort each other and help each other. Hearing their stories will help you in an inspiring and a positive way, thus it prevents you from entering the world of depression.

There are no rules as to whom you should share your grievances but keep in mind that pent-up anger and sadness will only make the situation worse so you have to find an outlet to release those emotions.

Rest in peace, Ricky Icky. You will always be missed.

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Choose The People In Your Life

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The people in your life can be divided into three groups in general. The first group would be the people who you really love and you definitely need in your life. The second group would consist of random friends who you’re not really close to, acquaintances, people who you do not benefit from. The third group would then consist of people you do not like, people who drag you down, people who make your life more complicated than it should be. In this blog, I will help you sort them out and yes, this is based from my personal journey in life.

Know the people in your life. This is something simple enough to do. Check your address book, your contacts on your mobile phone, your friends on Facebook or any other social networking applications, the people you work with, the people you email, basically everyone you interact with on a regular basis.

Form the first group. This one will be pretty basic; of course you include your immediate family and your closest friends in this group. They will provide stability and balance in your life whenever you need guidance and whenever you are feeling stressed or pressured. You can also include in this group, assets. People who can help you move towards your goals. These people are also important because they make your life simpler in the sense that it is easier to do the things you want to do because of them.

Form the second group. Now the people in the second group might be a bit harder to distinguish because they don’t really harm you in any way but you don’t really see any benefit that you can get from them as of the moment. So why cut them out of your life? Well because dealing with fewer people is equal to having a more simple life. Without these people you don’t get invites to events that you don’t really want to go to, you don’t get asked for favors from people you barely know, you don’t have to send greeting cards or gifts to them on certain occasions. It’s just simpler that way.

Form the third group. This group will be a lot easier to distinguish than the second group. First of all choose the people who you do not like. Why should you forget about them? Simple, because they make your life more complicated, they give you more problems and thus more stress. You don’t want that. Same goes for the people who drag you down.

An example of this could be free loaders of leeches. They’re parasites and having them in your life gives you no benefit whatsoever. Imagine someone who keeps on borrowing money from you but never really pays you back on time. It gives you one more problem to think about because it messes up the steps that you have previously taken. (E.g. budgeting)

Don’t take this blog too literally. Just because I told you to cut out groups two and three from your life doesn’t mean that you avoid them completely even when they’re the ones who approach you. Doing that will get you a lot of enemies and that is not something you want if you’re aiming for simplicity in your life. What this blog is telling you to do is to avoid the distractions and the clutter.

Don’t go looking for them and when they come to you deal with it as quickly as possible then go back to your own life. Unless of course you’re looking to completely isolate yourself from the world then I guess you could take this blog literally.

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The Power to Change

powertochange.pngOne thing that is permanent in this world is change; that is inevitable. However, sometimes you will catch yourself doing it again. That process of searching the negative or bad side of any given situation. You will sense fear, stress and worry – a depressing mind buffet. How long will you permit yourself to think this way?

It is not being in this state of mind but existing in its daily is. It is natural for individuals to think negatively as we need to be prepared that something could go wrong. Even if there are times that we worry for nothing.

However, worrying will not put a stop to bad things to happen; you can only be in charge of your reaction towards them. There is this power to overrule these worries by selecting a different mindset. It’s not easy to change in a snap as it will be an internal battle within you but you have to try.

The power over anxiety is – to change your mind-set.

Relegate THE Obsession

As an adult, we all have or even experience a lot of worries; worries about our peers, our work and our selves. But when anxiety attacks, we get to be obsessed with worries. We have to stop this kind of obsession. However, it is not about your obsession but how you react to it. You over-analyze things. So how do we change this course?

  • You have to accept to yourself that you are obsessed.
  • Keep reminding yourself that it is alright to have this obsession.
  • Always tell yourself that the content of the obsession is NOT important. Do not get caught up in scrutinizing.
  • Employ yourself in an activity which will help you alter your sentiment or emotion towards this particular obsession. Remember that our goal here is not to free you from worries (everyone worries, it’s just that, yours is too much). Our main and important goal here is change your reaction towards obsession.

If you are successful in following the steps mentioned above, the important part is the last bulleted point – employ yourself in an activity to change your emotion. This is the trickiest part but don’t start over-thinking here, my friend. Clear your mind for a while and understand these three ways to help you change your course.

Let’s start!

Gather and Write

The initial step is to gather your worries; worries that really bother you which anxiety attacks. Get a pen and a paper, and then start taking notes. One piece of advice, always make it to a point to carry a pen and a notebook specifically for this event. Make sure to bring it with your all throughout the day. If it comes to a time of a day that you start obsessing, jot down you precise ideas or thoughts or maybe few sentences or phrases that define your impulses. If obsessing carries on, you just have to keep on writing and writing.

It’s not a synopsis of what you have in mind but a verbatim or word-for-word record of accurately what you are thinking. It’s like impersonating a stenographer inside a courtroom or a transcriber. Please be reminded that you need to jot down everything, as in everything you have in mind.

Once you finish, if you think it AGAIN, write it down. Even if it’s just a repetition of what you’ve just wrote. Again, it is not the outline of the subject matter that you need to write but every SINGLE word that you think must be written.

You may be asking what’s going to be the benefit of these things. Here it goes: When a person is obsessed with something, that person is inclined to repeat the similar substance or content in a repetitive way. Same goes with writing, you identify how cyclical and pointless they are.

With this kind of perception, it deteriorates your obsessions. After some time, you will most likely familiarize this task as a simple chore. In this way, it develops into added work to obsess than to let it go. You see, it is harder or more difficult to write it down over and over again, instead of thinking it several times, as it loses its own power. It commences to create the obsession as a grueling job.

Because of this, when you start obsessing again, you will ask yourself if either you’ll write or just let it slide.

Sing Your Heart Out

There is another option to revolutionize you emotional reaction to your own obsession. It is in the form of singing. Indeed, you read it right. You will SING your worries or obsessions. For an instance, you say, “I might get really sick if I will be infected by drinking from this cup and spread the disease to my loved ones. They might die because of me.” Sing what you are exactly thinking of.

Sounds stupid? Silly? Or obnoxious? Of course, that is the point of why you need to sing your thoughts.

Here’s how to do it:

  • Choose a short group of words which recapitulates your obsession. Do not pay attention to the meaning.
  • Keep on repeating the words by using a plain melody. You can choose any melody you are comfortable with. Continue doing this for a few minutes.

It is not guaranteed you will be happy right away when doing this activity. As a matter of fact, you might not feel anything except anxiety when you begin singing. However, just attach with it. While doing it, work until you become isolated or separated from the content. Each time you sense less psychologically or emotionally occupied with these thoughts, set free of the tune and the words, then put your mind somewhere else.

Modify THE Image

The first two activities can be applied if your worries or obsessions are in the form of words. What if your worries or obsessions are in the form of images? What will you do? Simply replace the image with another one. For example, you see yourself shouting at your daughter or son; imagine yourself singing a happy song to your daughter or son. You need to replace your worries with a happy image.

Pick images which will make you comfortable, happy, or relaxed. Also, if there are scary images, turn them into caricatures or cartoon-like characters.

These activities might take long before giving you the benefits, however, continue practicing and have faith in yourself.

Do you have any tips to add? Mind sharing it? Drop a comment below and lets all share our thoughts. Thanks for a sharing Pinay Time with me, Lovelies! 🙂 ❤

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Uniqueness as a Strength Not as a Weakness!

These days some people mix uniqueness with ugliness and weirdness and this is false. First of all, my site DOES NOT promote or believe in ugliness as negativity is not allowed in here. Secondly, it modifies the meaning or definition of weirdness. And lastly, uniqueness is something that we should not hide but rather be proud of it and consider it as a personal strength.

Uniqueness of a person’s aesthetic value

There are cases where you get shy or embarrass with your physical assets as they may look unusual to other people. For example, having too much freckles on your cheeks or broader shoulders than regular women, since some people tend to look on those parts first before looking directly in your eyes, you have the propensity to be shy and other times, you find ways to hide them.

The sole reason why you hide those unique body features is you do not want to be tease by other people; it drains your confidence. And sometimes, if you hear hateful comments about it, you throw hateful words too. That is not the proper way to react. Instead, cover your ears and do not think of it too much. Imagine you are sitting in the corner and stressing out yourself with non sense, that will definitely burns you out. You might want to divert those negativities into something else, like go to the mall, watch a movie or what not. Those comments or critics you heard will not help you achieve what you want in life. So do not let them pull you down.

Also, I would like to stress another arising problem for most women – their body shape. Below is a summary of one of the many problems I personally have, my endless weight battle.

fat.pngThe word fat, as defined by science, is a group of compounds generally soluble in organic solvents and mostly insoluble in water. On the other hand, adding a noun after it sounds sharp, at some cases, judicious, like fat woman, fat people, fat kid, or even fat Aiza. Yes, I have had experiences since then. I felt resentful towards people to the point where I blurted out things I shouldn’t have; it brought back my confidence that yeah, I am fat but good mother gracious if I am, then why some people are you exceptionally fugly? For some reason, I found it satisfying to have uttered nasty words to them, seeing them look down. Days, months, years have passed; I came to realize how unhappy I was. I asked myself, will it change the fact I am fat by telling a person that his or her birth certificate is an apology to a condom factory? It doesn’t. I took the liberty of doing a famous scene from “The Bridges of Madison County” to assess myself (it wasn’t a conventional standard of beauty but the hell with it). I stared at myself for an hour saying “I’m beautiful” while my brain answers back “Who the eff are you kidding?” End Result: not working. So I thought of ideas on how to gain my confidence sans mocking-nincompoops-for-self-upliftment.

  • Make a List. Apparently, “I’m beautiful” while standing for an hour in front of the mirror didn’t work. I searched for a quote that my system specifically my brain will accept without a doubt. So I went to get advice from Mr. Google, beauty quotes typed in the search field and pulled up the first 10 sites. I was browsing thru them but I gagged most of the time. First few ones are too cheesy; the others are figment of imagination and the rest, too crappy. I got a pen and paper and started listing traits and attributes. I like about myself. Sense of humor, curly hair, moles in my face, eyes, hands, photographic memory, keen-observer, legs (most friends said I have thin legs for a Dumbo like me, so I included it).Slowly, more traits/attributes were noted. I felt contented; I was happy seeing it, I was not bad at all. From then, I perceived beauty provides mental experience of contentment.
  • Dress to Impress. One thing thick people hate most is dressing. Most of them hate dressing elegantly as they are stuck with an impression people will pass judgment on how they look. That’s not the case now. There are a lot of stores and online shops which cater to plus-sized individuals. Who said curvy women cannot wear dresses, skirts, trousers and NOT look good? With vast fashion trends, ways of hiding those flabby arms and layered tummies are easy. The more these plump ladies stick to plain and tedious dressing makes them stand out in a crowd, in a bad way.
  • Say NO to Assumption. It is a guilty pleasure of assuming others think you’re unattractive. Getting rid of assumption is difficult, like for instance, in a department store, you’re shy to ask if there is bigger size of a pair of pants on sale. Thinking the sales lady might insult you at the back of her head. Assumption leads to awkwardness which results to limitations. To get rid of assumption is to find witty or comical ways to deal with your own physique.

In my several encounters with people who are amused seeing fat people like me (like I’m the first fat lady they have seen), they usually ask, “Are you fat even before?” I reply, “Yes, my doctor said I have this allergy that every time I eat in breaks into fat.”

There is no need to worry about people who can’t get over on how plump ladies run their FAT lives. Love your flabs and more importantly, love yourself. Long live to you, FAT! –Fabulous and Thick.

As a last and final case point, you have to embrace your flaws or uniqueness because these things will make you stronger and bolder. Because how can other people accept you, if you, yourself cannot accept and love what and who you are?

 

 

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SHORT BLOG: Don’t procrastinate – get things done!

Procrastinate is defined as delaying or postponing something. Most of the time, people I know procrastinate their task. Some experts say that it is a “delaying tactic or strategy of individuals.” They delay their task to avoid getting another task from their superiors or whatnot.

People also procrastinate to avoid risk. Psychologists say that our brain likes it when we do not take risks as it doesn’t make us defenseless and out in the open. Believe it or not, other slack off because they fear success. Success means change, something different from the usual – a person’s growth. When a person is growing, responsibilities add up and obstacles are more complicated.

If you ask people, procrastination is better because it feels good and it is a lot fun. But it is just a temporary and immediate relief. Why not set yourself for a long-term happiness? So instead of procrastinating, get up and get started! How? By following these simple tips:

Create a Dreamboard

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Think of the things you’re dreaming of. It doesn’t matter if it’s a house, a car, a partner – Your choice. Usually, I suggest making a list but it’s too dull to motivate you and act now. Isn’t it nice to picture your dreams in a colorful and presentable way? So, after thinking of your dreams, gather some old magazines, print outs, pictures, pens, glue sticks and a board.

Represent each dream with a picture and start designing your “dreamboard.” Once you’re finished, hang it on your bedroom wall. Make sure to hang it where you can easily see it every day.

This is a technique to get you motivated.

Pamper Yourself

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Since you are self-medicating from procrastination, it’s not bad to pamper and reward yourself every time you achieve something. Gather the things that need to be done, the moment you finish one task or goal, check it and reward yourself for doing a great job. Rewards can be big or small, depends on how important the task is and of course, your budget.

Put Gossip into Good Use

procrastinate2.pngWe just stated earlier that we tend to procrastinate because we avoid risks. So why don’t you make one? Think of the people you respect and love the most. Tell each one of them the details of your project – why you’re doing it, how important this is to you and so on. Took the risk? Checked! Now if you fail, every individual involved will know. The point here is, you need to put that fear of risking to good use.

Embrace the Most Permanent Thing in the World

procrastinate3.pngWhen you experience a heart break, most of your friends will tell you that in order for you to move one; you need to embrace the pain. Same goes with procrastination. You need to embrace what causes you to drag your feet – Change. Ask yourself this, “Why do you fear success if you didn’t even try?” You have to understand that success cannot be measured. You’ll just have to know how to deal with it once you get there.

Procrastination could lead to a more serious problem, so write down all the tips given and start doing it, RIGHT NOW. Do you have any tips you’d like to share? Drop a comment and lets share them with each other. I’m not getting tired of thanking y’all, Lovelies. Thanks for sharing Pinay Time with me. 🙂 ❤