4

The Day When You Stopped Giving 2 Flying F’s to People

If you are keeping up with my posts, the latest article I’ve posted (hopefully) gave you an idea that I have lost a very dear childhood friend. He was there when I needed someone to lean on; he was my partner in crime. I could still remember the long late night drives, stealing candy bars at my mom’s, phone call pranks…and that warm hug when I’m sad. It shattered me to pieces and to top it off, I have been dealing few issues. It’s true what they usually say, “When it rains, it pours.” Yes, problems have been pouring left and right.

With all the advises and how to’s I’m sharing, I honestly can say, I’m lost; I don’t know where or how to start picking up the pieces. I guess, this is one of those days where you are on the verge of giving up. Then, few people you care, instead of understanding you, they add up to what you’re going through. Like, dude, could you please be considerate? I mean, stop the BS for once. BUT NOOOO… they will keep on pushing and pushing it till you reach the point that you don’t give a flying f*** and an apple pie. Yes, I’m on that phase and I do hope, I’ll get through it. I know I’m strong, but how? when? where? and why? The endless questions you ask yourself…

6

The reason why I haven’t blogged in a while…

Losing someone close to your heart is unexplainable; how would you feel once you hear the news that someone passed away. You may feel anger, sadness or even depression but these words cannot explain what you truly feel; it is definitely beyond that. Getting over such grief is not easy; it is a process of denial, acceptance and moving on with your life and everybody knows that all these cannot be done in a day or a week. Sometimes it may take almost a year before you could totally say that you are in a stable state.

There are relapses through the process; there are times you might feel better and there are also times where you find yourself crying. There are no shortcuts; you have to go through the process, however there are certain ways which can help ease the pain. It may not totally remove you from sadness or misery but it will surely help you cope up with the loss.

The focal point of this post is to convince you that grieving alone is not going to help; do not isolate yourself because having someone to grieve with you is far better than self-seclusion.

Grieve With Your Family

Regardless of the relationship you have with the deceased, you have to grieve with your family. Family is the foundation of any individual and keeping yourself close to them especially in times like this will help you get by. Your family members are the individuals who know you better than anyone else in your network. There are some instances that even when you don’t talk they already know you are going through pain.

Grieving with your family will let you be yourself; no pretensions, no cover ups, just you. Tell them how you feel and you need them to help you pass this phase. You don’t have to tell all the members of the family as you have the option to choose few members whom you think will lend their ears when you talk.

Grieve With Friends

Not everybody is close to their families and we are not going to tackle that area because each individual has different reasons as to why. If you are in the same situation where you feel more comfortable with your friends rather than with your family, that is absolutely fine. You could talk to your best friend or 2-3 of them and seek for guidance.

You could ask them to come with you to a place where you can relieve your mind for a while. Your friends are people next to your family and sometimes you consider them your family; and with this, you’ll feel more secure.

Grieve With a Community Group

They say that to cope of with this kind of situation, it is better to talk with people who have the same experience like you. You feel more emotionally attached with this group as you know have a common ground; you comfort each other and help each other. Hearing their stories will help you in an inspiring and a positive way, thus it prevents you from entering the world of depression.

There are no rules as to whom you should share your grievances but keep in mind that pent-up anger and sadness will only make the situation worse so you have to find an outlet to release those emotions.

Rest in peace, Ricky Icky. You will always be missed.

2

Are You Ready To Commit?

byob.pngEvery individual’s lifelong dream is to be their own boss; and when the opportunity comes, our initial reaction is to grab it even without thinking of the consequences later on. There are some who experience being in a company for more than a decade and would like to quit their job and start a business with the hard-earned money they have saved up for. While others are living in a paycheck to paycheck basis but are willing to apply for a bank loan to change their route towards the entrepreneurship community. We can come up with several reasons why we would like to start a business of our own but the main question here is if we are ready to commit to a very much dynamic world than we are used to. We have this common notion that as long as we put our 100% effort, everything will work out fine. In some ways it is correct, but snap back to reality and think it over for a couple of times. Joining the business venture is not a no-brainer. It does not only involve your effort but it also involves several factors that will exhaust your intellectual, emotional and social abilities.

It is not just an ordinary decision that we make every day because if the time will come your business is not working; you can’t just give up and go back to your past endeavors. This decision, my friend will reflect on how you take things seriously as it will affect your entirety.

Being committed into something you would love to do is a satisfying feeling, but that does not mean you are not scared of what will happen in the near future; you have concerns and a certain fear of uncertainty. But who doesn’t? To help you have a clearer and bigger picture of what you are trying to put yourself into, here are two important points you need to ponder:

No more pointing fingers this time

blame.png

I’m assuming that most of us have work experiences and one common scenario is when a given task was not approved, we didn’t take the blame; we pointed it out to other people. Oh for goodness gracious, do not reason out that you haven’t done it. Everybody has a fair share of trying to get away from a mistake; it may not be at your work place but it did happen.

This time eradicate that attitude because in venturing into business or being self-employed, no one is to blame but you. You made the decision, deal with it. Having a good sense of accountability will take you to success. It will definitely deliver constructive results and will be of help in forming positive habits.

Think Out of the Box

think.png

Earlier I did mention the fear of uncertainty and this is one of the major factors why most businesses fail in their first two years and there are some which already failed before starting it. Why? Because it is in our nature to be afraid to go out our comfort zone. We fear things we do not know, things which shut off our creativity and block what we are truly capable of. Do not restrict your mind in experimenting on things; that is what business all about. Look at how Steve Jobs expanded his company. Who could have thought of putting the functions of an mp3 player, a laptop and a phone in one?

I know you still have doubts and you’re a bit dazed, but this is just the beginning. In the next blogs (soon), you’ll be given that “needed push” to come up with a stronger and bolder decision later on. So, click on that Follow button to receive notifications from me. Thanks! 🙂 ❤

0

Choose The People In Your Life

people.png

The people in your life can be divided into three groups in general. The first group would be the people who you really love and you definitely need in your life. The second group would consist of random friends who you’re not really close to, acquaintances, people who you do not benefit from. The third group would then consist of people you do not like, people who drag you down, people who make your life more complicated than it should be. In this blog, I will help you sort them out and yes, this is based from my personal journey in life.

Know the people in your life. This is something simple enough to do. Check your address book, your contacts on your mobile phone, your friends on Facebook or any other social networking applications, the people you work with, the people you email, basically everyone you interact with on a regular basis.

Form the first group. This one will be pretty basic; of course you include your immediate family and your closest friends in this group. They will provide stability and balance in your life whenever you need guidance and whenever you are feeling stressed or pressured. You can also include in this group, assets. People who can help you move towards your goals. These people are also important because they make your life simpler in the sense that it is easier to do the things you want to do because of them.

Form the second group. Now the people in the second group might be a bit harder to distinguish because they don’t really harm you in any way but you don’t really see any benefit that you can get from them as of the moment. So why cut them out of your life? Well because dealing with fewer people is equal to having a more simple life. Without these people you don’t get invites to events that you don’t really want to go to, you don’t get asked for favors from people you barely know, you don’t have to send greeting cards or gifts to them on certain occasions. It’s just simpler that way.

Form the third group. This group will be a lot easier to distinguish than the second group. First of all choose the people who you do not like. Why should you forget about them? Simple, because they make your life more complicated, they give you more problems and thus more stress. You don’t want that. Same goes for the people who drag you down.

An example of this could be free loaders of leeches. They’re parasites and having them in your life gives you no benefit whatsoever. Imagine someone who keeps on borrowing money from you but never really pays you back on time. It gives you one more problem to think about because it messes up the steps that you have previously taken. (E.g. budgeting)

Don’t take this blog too literally. Just because I told you to cut out groups two and three from your life doesn’t mean that you avoid them completely even when they’re the ones who approach you. Doing that will get you a lot of enemies and that is not something you want if you’re aiming for simplicity in your life. What this blog is telling you to do is to avoid the distractions and the clutter.

Don’t go looking for them and when they come to you deal with it as quickly as possible then go back to your own life. Unless of course you’re looking to completely isolate yourself from the world then I guess you could take this blog literally.

2

SHORT BLOG: #Respect

We are going to talk about respect and woman empowerment; how this is connected with your self-esteem. It mirrors your self-worth. If you have a clear understanding with self-esteem, you would have a brief overview why respect is connected with self-esteem.

When you value yourself and you love what you have, you gain confidence and have a sense of contentment. And when you do, you know how to respect yourself and the end result, you show respect to other people. You see, respect is not being forced, it is always being earned. You cannot ask people to respect you if they see or hear things opposite of what you want. People pay their respect towards you depending on how you treat others and how you present yourself; inside and out.

If you’ll look into all social media networks, posting your “selcas” or “selfies” is quite rampant. Let us take Facebook as an example, you see women posting pictures in their bikinis or overly exposed clothes but in their caption, you’ll see the statement “respect my post.” I mean, how can you respect a person with the way they dress? Plus their provocative facial expression.

This does not mean to judge or criticize the way you dress but come on, you know for a fact that you cannot control how other people react. So might as well apply the 90/10 rule. You can only control 10% of the whole situation, meaning you can only control what you have shared. So if you want to be respected, you have to always present yourself in a proper way. And please, do not even think of commenting that example of posting picture in a bikini is a form of art because it is not.

There are also instances that no matter properly mannered you are there are always certain individuals who will disrespect you. Instead of wasting your time in explaining or preaching them about respect, do not be bothered because karma will slap them in due time.

Be sincere and considerate to others are simple ways to show your respect. When giving out your opinions, feedback or standpoint, you have to always check the choice of words you use as some words could be threatening. It does not mean that you need not to voice out your thoughts; it’s just a matter of how you deliver your message.

And last but not the least, you have to remember to pay respect to yourself; not only your body but your totality as a person. Putting others before you is an example of altruism of selflessness; it is considered a kind and sincere act and people will take you in a different light. It is self-fulfilling to actually help others but doing this over and over damages your self-respect. It is not bad to be selfish at times because if people need help from others, you also need to help yourself as well. You cannot give respect if you cannot give it to yourself first.

I’d love to hear your thoughts regarding this matter, Lovelies. Drop a comment and let us start our Pinay Time! 🙂 ❤

0

Uniqueness as a Strength Not as a Weakness!

These days some people mix uniqueness with ugliness and weirdness and this is false. First of all, my site DOES NOT promote or believe in ugliness as negativity is not allowed in here. Secondly, it modifies the meaning or definition of weirdness. And lastly, uniqueness is something that we should not hide but rather be proud of it and consider it as a personal strength.

Uniqueness of a person’s aesthetic value

There are cases where you get shy or embarrass with your physical assets as they may look unusual to other people. For example, having too much freckles on your cheeks or broader shoulders than regular women, since some people tend to look on those parts first before looking directly in your eyes, you have the propensity to be shy and other times, you find ways to hide them.

The sole reason why you hide those unique body features is you do not want to be tease by other people; it drains your confidence. And sometimes, if you hear hateful comments about it, you throw hateful words too. That is not the proper way to react. Instead, cover your ears and do not think of it too much. Imagine you are sitting in the corner and stressing out yourself with non sense, that will definitely burns you out. You might want to divert those negativities into something else, like go to the mall, watch a movie or what not. Those comments or critics you heard will not help you achieve what you want in life. So do not let them pull you down.

Also, I would like to stress another arising problem for most women – their body shape. Below is a summary of one of the many problems I personally have, my endless weight battle.

fat.pngThe word fat, as defined by science, is a group of compounds generally soluble in organic solvents and mostly insoluble in water. On the other hand, adding a noun after it sounds sharp, at some cases, judicious, like fat woman, fat people, fat kid, or even fat Aiza. Yes, I have had experiences since then. I felt resentful towards people to the point where I blurted out things I shouldn’t have; it brought back my confidence that yeah, I am fat but good mother gracious if I am, then why some people are you exceptionally fugly? For some reason, I found it satisfying to have uttered nasty words to them, seeing them look down. Days, months, years have passed; I came to realize how unhappy I was. I asked myself, will it change the fact I am fat by telling a person that his or her birth certificate is an apology to a condom factory? It doesn’t. I took the liberty of doing a famous scene from “The Bridges of Madison County” to assess myself (it wasn’t a conventional standard of beauty but the hell with it). I stared at myself for an hour saying “I’m beautiful” while my brain answers back “Who the eff are you kidding?” End Result: not working. So I thought of ideas on how to gain my confidence sans mocking-nincompoops-for-self-upliftment.

  • Make a List. Apparently, “I’m beautiful” while standing for an hour in front of the mirror didn’t work. I searched for a quote that my system specifically my brain will accept without a doubt. So I went to get advice from Mr. Google, beauty quotes typed in the search field and pulled up the first 10 sites. I was browsing thru them but I gagged most of the time. First few ones are too cheesy; the others are figment of imagination and the rest, too crappy. I got a pen and paper and started listing traits and attributes. I like about myself. Sense of humor, curly hair, moles in my face, eyes, hands, photographic memory, keen-observer, legs (most friends said I have thin legs for a Dumbo like me, so I included it).Slowly, more traits/attributes were noted. I felt contented; I was happy seeing it, I was not bad at all. From then, I perceived beauty provides mental experience of contentment.
  • Dress to Impress. One thing thick people hate most is dressing. Most of them hate dressing elegantly as they are stuck with an impression people will pass judgment on how they look. That’s not the case now. There are a lot of stores and online shops which cater to plus-sized individuals. Who said curvy women cannot wear dresses, skirts, trousers and NOT look good? With vast fashion trends, ways of hiding those flabby arms and layered tummies are easy. The more these plump ladies stick to plain and tedious dressing makes them stand out in a crowd, in a bad way.
  • Say NO to Assumption. It is a guilty pleasure of assuming others think you’re unattractive. Getting rid of assumption is difficult, like for instance, in a department store, you’re shy to ask if there is bigger size of a pair of pants on sale. Thinking the sales lady might insult you at the back of her head. Assumption leads to awkwardness which results to limitations. To get rid of assumption is to find witty or comical ways to deal with your own physique.

In my several encounters with people who are amused seeing fat people like me (like I’m the first fat lady they have seen), they usually ask, “Are you fat even before?” I reply, “Yes, my doctor said I have this allergy that every time I eat in breaks into fat.”

There is no need to worry about people who can’t get over on how plump ladies run their FAT lives. Love your flabs and more importantly, love yourself. Long live to you, FAT! –Fabulous and Thick.

As a last and final case point, you have to embrace your flaws or uniqueness because these things will make you stronger and bolder. Because how can other people accept you, if you, yourself cannot accept and love what and who you are?

 

 

0

SHORT BLOG: Physical Attraction for both Men and Women

Physical attraction for both men and women has a common denominator – instinct. Most often than not, people can predict or tell if they are smitten to a person within the first 60 seconds after their encounter. Most relationship advisors propose that women (in general) are as expected to be attracted towards men who emanate zeal and confidence, and who are also deemed to have thrilling lives. Heterosexual women have the propensity to be physically and even sexually engrossed to traditionally masculine men. These men are what we call “alpha males.” Alpha males exhibit a specific set of personality attributes such as intensity and directness. Most alpha males also have common physical traits such as small eyes, squared-jaw and toned body frame.

Men, on the other hand, are also instinctively smitten to precise kinds of women. The majority of men are attracted to women with long shiny hair and big breasts. Others prefer tiny waist with wide hips. Scientifically speaking, these types of women are also considered to be most fertile.

But physical attraction does not always have the goods; one of the major downfalls of being a physically attracted to opposite gender is the relationship you have built might not last longer. It was stated by some gurus that alpha males are most likely to be sexually promiscuous, same goes with women. In any gender, when they come to a point where they want to settle down and commit to a longer relationship, they search for the opposite; individuals who smile better, cooperative and considerate. Instead of looking for those big bums and large bust size, they look for women with more delicate feminine features such as fuller lips, thin brows and so forth.

Of course, in any type of relationship, physical attraction always comes first but you have to take into consideration that platonic attraction is also important. Does he send you a reply when you message him? Does he compliment you? Or does he ask how your day was? You have to mull over that common interests are one of the main building blocks for a deeper emotional attachment with your partner.

Last case point, you have to admit that you want things in life that you know you cannot have. In a dating pool, you always dream of having someone “out-of-your-league.” Why? Because it corresponds to an “ideal;” plain and simple.

Always remember this, “physical attraction is what catches your eye (most often than not) but “personality” is what makes you stay.” Speaking of, I remember a story my cousin Mike told me. He was physically attracted to this girl he met at a local bar in our town; but the minute she opened her mouth, at the back of his mind, he was like, “Damn, she’s a bitch and stupid at that.” Made me lol’d for the next 15 minutes.

Okay, Lovelies… I don’t want to defeat the purpose of this post, “short blog,” so thanks again for sharing a Pinay Time with me! 🙂 ❤

6

My View: The Language of Love

Love.Love.Love.

I can still remember in middle school, when my classmates would ask me what love is. I would always tell them that seeing my crush during break time is love. Just thinking about him makes me smile. That’s me, a middle schooler used to define love. When I turned 18, I was the happiest. I’m legal; legal to party, to watch movies without a chaperone and finally, I can be in a relationship.

love.png

A true relationship with a guy whom I can have dates with; a person who I can share my happiness and a shoulder to lean on when I’m sad. Yes, he came. I was in love with his smile; a smile that can erase all the stress from school work and peer pressure. Every time he looked at me, my heart fluttered.

Through the course of our relationship, several unfortunate events occurred. Our love for each other was never the same. We had more fights than laughs; silence than conversation and doubt than trust. Soon enough we broke up. At that time, it was the most hurtful episode in my life. I couldn’t sleep, eat and focus at school. I was at lost. No words could best describe what I felt for a couple of months. I was just crying, asking myself what went wrong. Was it me? Was there somebody else?

For the next 12 years, I was in and out of relationship – failed relationships. This time around, I was blaming myself. I know something is wrong, but I could not find it. I don’t even know when and how to start.

Still in a state of confusion, I found a book; a book about intimate relationship. The 5 Love Languages, the Secret to Love that Last by Gary Chapman. I found myself turning it page by page and came back to my senses. That’s it! This could end my confusion about love. Find answers to all of my failed relationship.

  • Words of Affirmation

Three simple words: “I Love you”. “You look good.” “I missed you.” These are words of affection and praise. Yes, actions speak louder than words, but isn’t it assuring to hear the reasons behind that love from time to time? However, people who favor this love language cannot accept forgiveness easily when insulted or heard negative thing about them.

  • Quality Time

“Honey, I can’t make it, maybe some other time.” “I’m busy, can you still wait for another hour.” “I wish I was there with you.” Physically present and spending quality time with undivided attention gives the feeling of importance to your partner. People who chose to like this love language tend to get really hurt as “being there” is important for them.

  • Receiving Gifts

Sometimes “I love you” is not enough. Most people who side with this love language associate love with tangible gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant; however it has to be meaningful and thoughtful.

  • Acts of Service

People who view act of service as the greatest form of love have little tolerance over laziness and broken promises. However, they would love to help their partners a lot as that shows love and care.

  • Physical Touch

This love language doesn’t focus on the actions inside your bedroom but in general like holding hands, pat on the back, a hug or whatnot. This represents love and affection for them; however, if this is broken, prepare a break up song.

After reading the book of Gary Chapman, I realized that I was in favor with 2 love language and neglected the other 3. So remember, even if we are in favor with just one love language, it doesn’t mean we have to stop expressing love based on other love languages. All we need is compromise and balance.

What do you think matters when it comes to love? Share your two cents by dropping a comment below. Thanks for another Pinay Time with The Drunken Cheeks 🙂 ❤