I can still remember in middle school, when my classmates would ask me what love is. I would always tell them that seeing my crush during break time is love. Just thinking about him makes me smile. That’s me, a middle schooler used to define love. When I turned 18, I was the happiest. I’m legal; legal to party, to watch movies without a chaperone and finally, I can be in a relationship.
A true relationship with a guy whom I can have dates with; a person who I can share my happiness and a shoulder to lean on when I’m sad. Yes, he came. I was in love with his smile; a smile that can erase all the stress from school work and peer pressure. Every time he looked at me, my heart fluttered.
Through the course of our relationship, several unfortunate events occurred. Our love for each other was never the same. We had more fights than laughs; silence than conversation and doubt than trust. Soon enough we broke up. At that time, it was the most hurtful episode in my life. I couldn’t sleep, eat and focus at school. I was at lost. No words could best describe what I felt for a couple of months. I was just crying, asking myself what went wrong. Was it me? Was there somebody else?
For the next 12 years, I was in and out of relationship – failed relationships. This time around, I was blaming myself. I know something is wrong, but I could not find it. I don’t even know when and how to start.
Still in a state of confusion, I found a book; a book about intimate relationship. The 5 Love Languages, the Secret to Love that Last by Gary Chapman. I found myself turning it page by page and came back to my senses. That’s it! This could end my confusion about love. Find answers to all of my failed relationship.
- Words of Affirmation
Three simple words: “I Love you”. “You look good.” “I missed you.” These are words of affection and praise. Yes, actions speak louder than words, but isn’t it assuring to hear the reasons behind that love from time to time? However, people who favor this love language cannot accept forgiveness easily when insulted or heard negative thing about them.
- Quality Time
“Honey, I can’t make it, maybe some other time.” “I’m busy, can you still wait for another hour.” “I wish I was there with you.” Physically present and spending quality time with undivided attention gives the feeling of importance to your partner. People who chose to like this love language tend to get really hurt as “being there” is important for them.
- Receiving Gifts
Sometimes “I love you” is not enough. Most people who side with this love language associate love with tangible gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant; however it has to be meaningful and thoughtful.
- Acts of Service
People who view act of service as the greatest form of love have little tolerance over laziness and broken promises. However, they would love to help their partners a lot as that shows love and care.
- Physical Touch
This love language doesn’t focus on the actions inside your bedroom but in general like holding hands, pat on the back, a hug or whatnot. This represents love and affection for them; however, if this is broken, prepare a break up song.
After reading the book of Gary Chapman, I realized that I was in favor with 2 love language and neglected the other 3. So remember, even if we are in favor with just one love language, it doesn’t mean we have to stop expressing love based on other love languages. All we need is compromise and balance.
What do you think matters when it comes to love? Share your two cents by dropping a comment below. Thanks for another Pinay Time with The Drunken Cheeks 🙂 ❤